Screams of Silence
by Chinatsu Araki
Summary: Losing everything, forced to hold back tears until you're about to crack under the pressure, holding onto your sanity as you watch your once pleasant world disintegrate in front of your very eyes. Ame has been deaf for eleven years. as a result she refuses to speak at all. Can anyone bring her to speak again? And what has her Father got to do with all of this? [HIATUS]
1. Ame's memoirs 1 of 8

**To be honest I don't know how this story came about, but I had a sudden hit of Inspiration and was like 'Meh...why the hell not?'**

**DISCLAIMER: Only the plot of this fanfiction and my OC Ame are mine. I do not claim any rights to OHSHC, they belong to Hatori Bisco :)**

**Enjoy the Intro :)**

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_[Ame's Memoirs 1/8]_

_Losing everything, forced to hold back tears until you're about to crack under the pressure, holding onto your sanity as you watch your once pleasant world disintegrate in front of your very eyes._

_These nightmares I do not wish on anyone. Not this pain I've been forced to succumb to._

_I try my best not to look ahead at a possible crushing future that may one day present itself, sometimes it feels next nigh impossible._

_I realise that I am not giving you much to go on here, that you're probably thinking; 'What the hell is she on about?!'_

_I assure you it'll all click into place in time, right now I'm trying to figure out how to explain, despite all possible consequences that may come from all of this._

_On the other hand, maybe this story has grasped your attention, then again maybe not. I feel though, that if I don't tell someone about all of this, I'll end up going insane, being sent back to that...place..._

_I know that if I am forced to return there...I may as well give up, stop trying to erase such shattering thoughts from my mind._

_My heart feels heavy in my chest, like one of those balls on a thick unbreakable chain, it weighs a ton, pulling me down with it._

_Please do not misunderstand. I assure you that I am not a mere 'attention seeker', in fact I am quite the opposite._

_I only wish for help...from anyone in this world of overlapping closed spaces...I mean only to find my way out of this never-ending nexus._

_I wish only to find HIM._

_That one boy who has the heart and determination to help me make it out ALIVE._

_If only I could remember. _

_If only I could remember his face._

_...His voice._

_...His mannerisms._

_Without him...I fear it will all end for me..._

_Save me..._

_...For I am screaming unheard in this choking silence..._

_My sanity is slowly diminishing..._

_...I need to hold on...Find me...Please..._

_...If only I could remember your name..._

_If only!_

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**If you have a moment please leave a review and/or alert/favorite :)**

**-Chinatsu**


	2. Chapter 1: Silence

**Hello again everyone. **

**I hope you're liking this so far [granted you've only read the intro]**

**The story starts now though.**

**Please enjoy and don't forget to send your OC via PM. [The profile template is in my profile] As I mentioned I am only choosing one so this will be tough for both you and me!**

**Review please? It makes me happy :)**

**-Chinatsu**

**DISCLAIMER: Only my OC Ame and the plot of this fanfiction are mine, I do not claim any rights to OHSHC, they are rightfully owned by its creator, Hatori Bisco**

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**CHAPTER ONE: SILENCE**

"_I don't understand...something so small...she was only...I...I…" She was sobbing next to me I could see it… but… I couldn't hear it…_

_To me, it was as though I was watching a silent movie… a silent movie made by a beginner who had left out the music on accident._

_I just blinked in confusion and stared at my mother. As she silently sobbed… or so it appeared to me._

"_Mommy?" I said… or rather __tried __to say… at least I thought I said it, but I couldn't hear my voice…_

'_What's happened? I can't hear'_

_I blinked again and opened my mouth and yelled "MOMMY!" I was so sure I would hear my voice then… but… nothing. I heard nothing._

_What was going on? What's happening? Why can't I hear my voice?!_

_I turned to my mother, mouth open on shock and pointed to my ear._

"_MOMMY I CAN'T HEAR" I yelled louder again, thinking I __had__ to hear myself now… but no…_

_I saw my mother's shoulders shake hard, the tears falling fast down her cheeks, face painted red as she… as far as I could gather… wailed… next to me._

_I reached out a hand and pat her shoulder. My five - year - old self beginning to cry now too as I registered the reality that I had to be… deaf… _

"_Ame, take this" The doctor in front of us held out his hand to me and I blinked at the small device in his palm, pointing to it, and then to myself. He nodded._

_I looked at the device in surprise, unable to comprehend what this thing was. He leaned over his desk and took it from me, putting the device around and into to my ear. I shuddered at how cold the object felt against my skin. I reached behind my ear and flicked something and suddenly… almost falling back in shock… I heard my mom's wailing loud and clear._

"_What is it?" I asked though I froze. I could hear my voice or rather I thought it was my voice… It sounded weird somehow, disjointed… _

"_A hearing aid, it will aid you with everyday sounds, although, it only enables you to hear other voices and sounds around you, but not your own original voice."_

_My mom threw her hands up in frustration, "That doesn't make any sense!"_

"_She cannot hear her own voice as she knew it. You have to understand that in this situation, Ame will only be able to shape her voice to the sounds she hears around her, it amplifies the sounds of her environment but with such a case as this, her wording will no longer be as advanced as it once was."_

_Hey, I'm right here._

"_So what am I to do?"_

"_I suggest grasping sign language, teach Ame, and communicate with her that way."_

_I bit my lip. Did that mean I wouldn't be able to speak… normally… anymore?_

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That was when I was five years old. Eleven years ago. While I do wear my hearing aid when necessary, I choose not to speak, I communicate only by sign language. I guess it's because I fear talking. I'm not the Ame I once was.

I can't communicate the way I want to. And it hurts.

Not to mention I had to drop out of my old high school due to the bullying. Maybe that makes me a pathetic person. I had to leave… if I didn't…

'Ame, dinner' Mom signed as she stood before me.

As I rose from my sketch book she gestured to the plastic device sitting precariously on the edge of my pencil tin, and pointed to her ear.

I nodded, taking the hearing aid and putting it on. I hated it. I'm not whole. I'm damaged. People even treat me as though I'm a delicate flower and I can't stand it!

I pushed my aggravation aside and followed my mother into the kitchen where she had prepared my favorite red bean noodles.

'What's the occasion?' I signed, nodding to the feast before me.

Mom's face broke into a wide grin and she pulled out an envelope, seemingly from nowhere. I blinked at her in surprise.

'What is it?'

"See for yourself"

She handed the envelope to me and I opened it.

_Dear Kurozaki, Ame, _

_We hereby offer you a full honor scholarship to our prestigious establishment, Ouran Academy._

_Taking into account the results of your examination a decision has been reached in which you will attend, class 1 - A._

_Your scores were outstanding and will become a credit to the entire Academy._

_This scholarship entitles you to a three-year fully paid for tuition in which you will find will present you with many opportunities for future prospects._

_Registration is Monday the 4th of September._

_Looking forward to seeing you then, _

_Chairman Suoh_

I finished reading and looked up at my mother, mouth wide open.

'Am I dreaming?' I signed.

Mom laughed, "Not at all, darling. Registration is tomorrow."

I blinked rapidly, eyes widening even more than I would have assumed were possible.

Tomorrow. Ouran Academy. Full scholarship.

This is what I wanted. A new start.

But…

What if this new start… proved to be as pain filled as… the others?

Suddenly I didn't feel so confident. Instead, fear was beginning to gnaw away at my stomach.

Ouran Academy…

Prestigious dwelling place of the rich and beautiful…

And…

I don't think he knew…

I don't think he knew… That I was deaf…

Am I over thinking things again?

It was easier to work hard and pre-study before the examinations without a hearing aid in.

He didn't know…

Did he?...

Could I lose my scholarship before I even embraced it?

Wait…

It would be fine…

I was being stupid…

I grinned up at mom and signed a quick 'Hooray!'

So...It would all begin…

Tomorrow?

Please… let me for once carry on through this new school as though I were normal…

I don't want to end up going there, only to be alone again…

I can't speak…

What do I do?

Calm down Ame, you haven't even began at Ouran yet.

I pushed my self-deprecating thoughts aside and began to eat. Forget it Ame… just be brave… you can do it…

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As soon as I was done eating I excused myself, my mother pottering into the living room, phone in hand no doubt to tell anyone who'd listen that her daughter got accepted into a prestigious Academy…

Knowing my mom, she would be on the phone for hours.

I needed some air. Maybe I'll head to the park.

As I planned my route, I took off my hearing aid putting it in my pocket. Silence is all I needed right now. I could distract myself from life and forget about Ouran for a few hours at least, my fears pushed aside.

As I stepped outside I put my ear buds in, comforted by the vibrations from the music.

You're probably wondering why the hell a deaf girl would have ear buds when she can't hear, but I took solace in the light flutters against my damaged eardrums. It made me calm. It made me distract myself by counting the vibrations and trying to distinguish what it was I was listening to.

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It was bright out for it being seven in the evening and I smiled and began to walk down the moss clumped pathways towards a large park about twenty minutes away.

It was nice, feeling only the vibrations of music, feeling the wind on my face.

It's ironic, I hate that I cannot hear in so many situations, but then again, moments like this, where fear and my thoughts are ready to tear me apart inside, I can disconnect myself from reality. Be at peace. Just for a moment.

I didn't pay attention to anything until someone roughly pushed me aside. And I looked up in alarm seeing a young boy about my age with ginger hair. Mouthing something or rather… shouting something? I couldn't tell.

He continued mouthing and I blinked…

The ginger haired boy looked furious, I reached into my pocket to take out my hearing aid, only for the ginger to push past me rudely, resulting in my hearing aid falling into the tall grass by the sidewalk.

Oh shit.

As I began to search I jumped, feeling a hand on my shoulder and stared as I saw another ginger boy, who looked just like the guy I'd bumped into, only with his hair parted to the left.

He was saying something and I couldn't hear him.

I shrugged away from him and began frantically running my hands through the grass, unable to find my hearing aid.

This guy probably thought I was an asshole.

He looked at me, a slight look of irritation in his eyes and as I studied his lips, I could make out the words, 'You're a little impolite aren't you?'

I opened my mouth to speak...pausing with a frown… that won't work… so how do I…?

It was no good the ginger with his hair parted to the left had stalked off too, following his brother.

I wanted to follow them to apologize… but how could I?

I stood there miserably.

God damn it…

I HATE THIS!

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**Chapter One completed! **

**And the twins have been introduced [Very slightly] Sorry it's short and not that good, but the chapters will get longer after this, and hopefully won't be as rubbish.**

**Also who should I have Ame paired with? let me know in the reviews :)**

**See you soon!**

**-Chinatsu**


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